Life on the X-Bar Ranch...

I am an ordinary woman, with an amazing family, serving an awesome God.

Friday, September 10, 2010


I know - I just may get one post per season, if I keep this up! :) but, you were warned! I just don't have alot of time for writing - much as I enjoy it. And lately I have been *trying* to get a decent night's rest. That means no staying up late to blog, research, etc, etc. anyways...
Some things that have been going on..

1. Yesterday was my baby's 2nd birthday. She is our sunshne and joy! We all love her so much, and have so very much fun with her. When Andy died - many of my friends and family thought (and told me) that I should have another baby. I guess they thought it would comfort me, or maybe keep me too busy to think, or who knows. They were loving and well-intentioned, but not very helpful. In time, we did get to have another baby. Lucia has been extra-special, but sometimes I think it has been harder to have another baby, than not to. She is a constant reminder that HE is gone. She sleeps in his crib, drank from his bottles, sleeps under his blanket, and even wore his red jacket. Sure, she's a girly-girl, all the way. But at night, when she cries, and I go in to comfort her, it still gets me, that it should be Andy. I love her as much as I love any of my children. She is precious. But it didn't do any comforting. I hope I remember this fact: You simply don't know what may help/hurt someone who is grieving the loss of a child or other loved one. Don't presume to. Anyways. I have been facing this again recently, since she is now almost the same age he was when he died. she has two months to go... its really scary to see another child reach the same age. What if I can't protect her any better than I did Andy? (I do trust God, I do understand that it was allowed, his time to go, etc, etc, but I am the mommy. period.)

2. We sold our truck, and bought a Suburban. Mainly a budget choice - it made sense. But we have wanted a Suburban for awhile, too. Now I can have my 8 kids! hehe! yeah, right! actually, it holds seven. It is sweet to ride in, though. And my practical soul absolutely.loves. the leather interior. YES.

3. I have been learning so much about my deceitful heart. God is faithfully showing me day by day, what is fit only for the trash. And what needs refining. I am humbled at how pathetic I actually have been, and how holy God can make me - if I allow Him. I really have been struck recently at how I judge someone for what seems to be gross sin; and then God shows me things that I have done- or attitudes that I have had- that are so close to theirs, that I have to 'lay my hand on my mouth.'

4. We have started school again. We are using ACE this year, and probably will stay with it. I love it. So do the kidders. I know its not popular. But then - neither is me homeschooling! :) I hear some of the silliest reasons against HS'ing... its really humorous!! anyways.

5. I 'think' we are going to go visit my sister in Pueblo!!! Yes! Hopefully in a few weeks. Its been too long... She has a new baby - which is always fun! and of course, there's always the sister-to-sister chats at midnight, over some cheesecake!

6. My 'big girl' Jennifer, will be 9 next week. She is finally old enough to be out of a booster seat. I am not sure who is most excited - her or me! It is a big deal when you spend a minimum of 4 hours per week in the car. Usually more.

So. That is my recent life. I keep hoping to write more, but who knows?

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