Men's Rules of Life

I thought since its Father's Day tomorrow, I would post  some rules from their point of view. We always hear the women's rules... "don't ask our weight", "tell me I'm beautiful", "we need meaningful talk", etc, etc, etc. Quite frankly, I think alot of men are not treated with the respect they deserve. The average man is usually put down, mocked, used and scorned. Women seem to get away with alot of mean, whiny or selfish things - simply cause "I'm a woman! You have to be nice to meee!"  Gag. Lets hear it for MEN!! Cowboys! Truckers! Computer geeks! Carpenters! Farmers! Mechanics! Soldiers! Retail managers! Husbands! DADS! Wooooh!!!
Today - quit whining and think about your MAN awhile.
Today - get off the couch and do something for him. Something you know he doesn't like to do.
Today - Make his favorite food. If you don't know how - LEARN.
Today - Give him smooches, and tell him you love him, thank him for working his butt off for you. Tell him you are glad he is a man - and glad he is different than you.
Today - Quit trying to make him into one of your girl friends.

That was a bonus round. Now for the main course. Cliff an I got this as an email fwd several years after we were married. We have shared many chuckles over it! I thought you might enjoy it!
(Ladies - don't get your feathers ruffled. You know some of these things are so true about us...;-)

Men's Rules Of Life

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If its up - put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = sports. Its like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want our help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments are null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default setting.  Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say"nothing", we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but its just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you're prepared to discuss such topics as golf, the shotgun formation, or hunting.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind. Its like camping.

Please note - these are all numbered #1 on purpose!